you confirmed my oldest fear and now i’ve never felt more alone in my own bed.
i watch this video of holly woodlawn every day
tony in age of ultron: im going to create this terribly designed surveillance bot that the avengers specifically told me Not to create..oh it turned evil…..oh shit. its killing innocent people. oh an entire country is destroyed. oh yikes
tony in civil war: my murder bot killed innocent people :( a tragedy nobody couldve predicted. so now you All have to sign this paper to give up your rights or go to jail. We need to be put in check
tony in endgame: i was right for building the murder bot actually
tony in the iron man movies: i didn’t know weapons killed people :(
tony in the avengers movies: i didn’t know weapons killed people :((
tony in every mcu film: other people matter?! :(
oh to be a stage girl in the 30s sitting in my uncomfortable outfit, looking all feathered & positively dazzling in a dressing room packed with other feathered n positively dazzling ladies, sighing because my good stockings have ripped again & having another one of the girls touch the rip on the back of my thigh with tenderness before she tuts & says ‘that’s too bad, sugar. let’s see if i have some that will fit you’. oh to try on the same tights that have been on her legs & to have her say ‘the trick is petroleum jelly’ before she makes me wiggle them down so she can get out a tub of vaseline and make me shine from the waist down & then tell me we’re gonna be stars together one day and we don’t need anyone else but each other and for me to climb over all the snoring girls late at night to lay right next to her & hold her tender hands & say ‘yeah, ok, just me and you’
i literally forgot until just now that when i was 13 i tried to write a novel about a 13 year old girl version of indiana jones. she had blue hair and a robot arm and a ghost butler. she did extreme sports. i didn’t want her to be a mary sue so she got hurt and cried all the time while saving the world. her ghost butler was in love with her. it was a very inappropriate relationship because she was much too young but i was 13 so these things did not occur to me. she lived in a tree. oh my god. why do i remember this in such vivid detail. i have long since deleted the files but i can vividly recall the opening scene because i went over it in my head so many times. it has been over a decade.
i can practically guarantee that at some point she skateboarded down a pyramid
look just know that if i rewrite this it will be all your fault and also i am keeping the robot pig and the ghost butler is going to be another teenage girl who is just really into butlering and being dead
i decided to give it a try but i couldn’t think of a good antagonist and panicked so i don’t think this is happening
Maggie bit down on her left sleeve as pain shot electric from her right arm into the rest of her. There may also have been some electricity. That was one of the problems with having a cybernetic arm. The other problem was that it was broken.
The heels of her heavy boots dug into the floor and she buried her face in the crook of her flesh-and-blood elbow to stifle a mortifying cry.
There was a screwdriver being twisted around in her arm. She was justified. This fact did not make it less mortifying.
“Why,” asked Butler, “did you jump out of a building without a parachute?” Butler’s voice was flat as she worked to repair Maggie’s arm. Butler’s voice was usually flat. It was unclear if this was related to being dead. She may well have been equally flat in life, as befit a girl named Butler.
Potentially named. It seemed more likely than its being a title. Memory and identity were all a bit tricky for ghosts.
Maggie sniffled. The leather of her jacket did a poor job absorbing her tears. “I thought it would look cool,” she said. Another shock of pain made her grit her teeth and hide her face again.
The work might have gone faster if Butler had hands instead of hooves. Unfortunately, she had neither. Just an intangible spectral aura. She was settling for hooves because Snoots was the easiest thing for her to possess. When he was not being possessed, Snoots functioned primarily as a bluetooth speaker. Under the circumstances, Butler thought she was doing pretty well.
“I recorded it for you,” Butler said.
“You did?” Maggie asked, her voice thick. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, then reached into her pocket for her phone. She found the most recent video, and played it.
In the video, her hair floated blue around her face. Behind and above her, something exploded. She did not look back at the explosion. The video stopped before her arm caught a cable, before inertia and weight nearly tore her arm in two and made her scream her throat sore.
“That’s rad as hell,” Maggie sobbed, her voice choked. She bit her sleeve again.
“I’m sure Mecha Kaiser was very impressed,” Butler said.
“Chimp,” Maggie corrected.
“What?”
“He’s a chimp now. A cyborg chimp. Cyber Chimp.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah.” Maggie rubbed at her eye with the heel of her palm. “It doesn’t look as cool as it sounds.”
donkey saying “parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet” implies
- the existence of a concept of a hell and damnation in the shrek universe;
- the recognition that the earth is one of several spherical bodies which orbit the sun
parfait is a french word which implies another troubling feature of the shrek universe: france
This is the punkest thing I have ever seen in my whole life.
She is right, lying doesn’t count at the library.
Put that last line on my headstone
So uhh Cyrus from Andi Mack and Number 5 from Umbrella Academy are having a heated Twitter argument about veganism and climate change
I wish I could make this kind of stuff up
The thing that gets me is that these dudes are barely younger than me like ik Joshua is 18 and Aidan is 16 which isn't far off from me (19) but it's still like. You guys are kids holy shit wow I genuinely wish I had their energy
The difference between their Twitter bios is hilarious it's killing me
This made me lose it
It just doesn't stop
WHAT IS GOING ON JCKDKDK
they really gave us a female lead in a star wars movie & made her kind and good and angry and powerful and complex & then spent the next 2 movies revolving almost her entire storyline around a white male war criminal who abused her, abused her friends, abused her family. all the while validating all the people who romanticized gaslighting and torture. for fan service lmao
they also gave us a strong black male lead who was kind and rebelled against his entire way of life when he saw the atrocities he was expected to take part in. He risked his life to save others and was shown to love and care deeply for his friends and willing to sacrifice himself to save him. Then the next two movies infantilize him to be this weak self preserving side character with literally no agency beyond yelling other character’s names.
They also gave us a Latino sci-fi hero who was an ace fighter pilot with a heart of gold and a wealth of courage who showed an incredible amount of support and kindness and trust towards a man who he had just met. Then the next two movies relegated him to being a chronic fuck-up and then ret-conned his ace pilot backstory in service of a racist drug dealer backstory to make him more like Han Solo